Monday, August 12, 2013

Cultural differences and hard questions

In every culture, there are certain social norms that we are expected to follow. I have grown up in Tennessee, mostly around people from the Church of Christ. There are many things I do not question. Or at least, I didn't question for a very long time.

I have said it before and I will say it again: at my church, we weren't supposed to ask the hard questions. We weren't supposed to ask why tattoos were wrong, but it was okay to wear clothes of mixed materials. We weren't supposed to ask why women could (and even should!) wear pearls, but it was silly to think you had to cover your head in church. There were so many verses in the Old Testament where people were allowed to use instruments in worship, but that was most certainly unacceptable!

I could go on and on about the things we weren't allowed to question, and in retrospect, it's totally ridiculous! There are even verses where we are told to question things (I believe it is in some of Paul's writings). But we were supposed to blindly follow those older than us. It wasn't right to ask the hard questions.

A few days ago, I was having a discussion with a friend. We were talking about the fact that in the area she is from, she was considered extremely conservative, but here, she is considered quite liberal. She is from another state. Same country, but the cultures are worlds apart. Things that, in my church, I don't question, she simply could not get her mind around it.

We need to have those hard conversations with out children and spouses and friends. And when others ask us the hard questions, we need to not automatically go on the defensive. Often even when the questions sound accusatory, the person is really just seeking answers. There are some things that seem ludicrous to one group that are accepted as normal by another (even within the same religion).

There is a Plumb song that I adore where she says, "I'm not your average girl. I don't like to wear makeup. I like my mighty curls. Do I make you feel unstable. Do I put you in a whirl because I do not fit your ideal of a beautiful girl?" I adore that song! It was one of the first times that I realized that it was okay to figure out who I am and just be that. God is the potter, not me. He is the one who does the molding and shaping, and it is in no way my job to control things. I cannot force myself to be something I am not. We all have struggles. And we all have to discern what is truly a part of who we are, and what are lies from satan.

And this is where those hard conversations come in. We are called to confess our sins to others, but I also think sometimes we need to talk to others to even see if things are truly sins! I cannot read Hebrew or Greek. I do not know the exact meanings of all the original words in the Bible. So this is where when I do understand something, I need to be willing to share, and when I don't, I need to be able to ask those hard questions.

All of us are human. We are all in the same boat. We all want to be lovely and accepted, but so few are really willing to open up and be vulnerable! I wish I could claim I was always willing to be open and vulnerable, but I'm not. Not yet. So I pray. I talk to friends. And I read my Bible. I listen to music, and I am learning every day. And I am learning that, even when someone's views are different from my own, it does not mean I need to freak out. We are each on our own journey. We need to respect others views and have open conversations (and this includes not attacking people with "That offends me!").

For all have fallen short of the glory of God.

None of us are perfect. And we won't be perfect in this life. For me, learning to be more content in my own skin and learning that people with different views and opinions are not my enemy... It has just helped me to really start living a happier healthier life. Ask questions. But then listen for the answers.

Blessings and peace to you all today and every day.