What's in a name?

So there has been a great deal on my mind lately. One of the biggest things is about the character of God. In the English language we know Him as God and Lord, but very rarely are any other names used. Over the years, this has made it hard for me to understand Him at all.

He created the world. Lovely. But what does that mean. In Hebrew, He has a name, Elohim, that refers to Him as God the Mighty Creator. Not only can He create. He is THE creator. He is the only one who can create something beautiful out of complete nothingness. For us, if we want to create, we have to combine things that are already in existence or modify them in some way. This isn’t true of God. He can create entire galaxies out of total nothingness. Think about that for a minute. He created this entire world, with all the different species of plants and animals. He created different races and within the different races, all people are different. Our God created all of this out of nothing.

Another name that I love is Jehovah Jireh (or Yahweh Yireh), which means God Who Provides. God is our provider. It is not just that He can give us clothes or pretty flowers. He can provide all the things that we need to be fully alive in Him. In my life, He provided a way out, a way to live. That may not sound that incredible, but I have gone back and read some old journals, and believe me, it is a miracle that I am not only here, but happy! God provides that which we need, whether it is training so we can fulfill our purpose or putting someone in our lives to encourage us… He provides EVERYTHING that we need.

Following closely with that is another name, Yahweh Rophe, meaning the Lord Who Heals. God is the ultimate healer. He doesn’t just put salve on a gash and wait to see what happens. He goes deep into those wounds and mends them up. He makes them like new. My heart is no longer the stitched together mess it used to be. I still get hurt, but I give my hurts to God, and He goes in and mends them up. I have to let Him in and often it hurts so badly! But in the end, it is so worth it. God is Healer. He is the Great Physician. He is the only one who can heal us like that!

There are many other names for God in Hebrew, as well as variations between cultures, but these are the names I have been reading about and trying to really meditate on. Jehovah Jireh is probably my favorite right now. He provides. He gives us what we need to live fully alive. And it is just incredible to me!

(I do want to give credit for where I found out about the different names. It is Ann Spangler’s book entitled Praying the Names of God. It is a wonderful book that I am still in the process of reading, but it has daily meditations and I love it!)

Blessings and peace to you all today and every day!

Who am I?

I am young.
I am not stupid.

I am a woman.
I am not docile.

I am a social worker (ok student. But I lack just a few short months!).
I am not a Democrat.

I am a Christian
I do not conform to the doctrine of a specific church.

I question things. I have doubts. I do not automatically believe all people have good intentions.
I do not believe this makes me cynical.

I believe that if God can save me, He can save anyone.
However, some portion of the person (no matter how small) has to want to be saved.

I am a reader and a thinker. I love to see the beauty in things. But being able to see the beauty doesn't mean that I am not painfully aware of the darkness.

I am saved.
I am not perfect.

I am learning, growing, and changing all the time.
This does not mean you have permission to try to change me.

I respect other people's rights to be who they are.
I do not have to respect people who deliberately hurt others, or who repeatedly hurt others and do not even stop to think about what they are doing.

I believe we are all human and we all fall short of the glory of God.
I do not believe this means that we should simply do whatever feels good.

I love to write and express myself.
I despise being told what I have to write. I write from the heart and my heart does not follow instructions easily... (remember the stubbornness mentioned yesterday?)

But above all of this, I am a beloved child of God. And nothing can ever change that.

it was then that I carried you. and over there is where you threw a fit....

Have any of you heard the whole poem about "it was then that I carried you?"

Yeah it's sweet and all but that is NOT how my journey with God has been. Not at all. I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned this, but I have been known to be a bit stubborn... (read: crazy, insane level of stubborn that my poor mother didn't know existed until I came along).

So the first time I saw this picture, I just about died laughing.

The more I thought about this picture, the more I realized it was so true in my life! And I was actually talking to a friend about the fact that, for me, this could even be expanded on.

"And over there is where you ran off and threw a tantrum."

"And that's the thorn bush I had to pull you out of."

"Over there is the cliff I kept you from falling off of..."

"That's the dark cave you tried to hide in."

Not to mention that the part where He dragged me, I was probably kicking and screaming and throwing a heck of a fit.

I don't know if this sounds familiar to anyone else but I know this has been true in my life. I don't mean for it to sound like I don't take God seriously. Please believe that I really and truly do. I have been a thorn in His side for years, but He stuck with me. Despite all of the tantrums and running off, and just laying on the ground and complaining about how hard life is.... He has stuck by me.

He has put up with so much crap from me, but do you know what? He still loves me. God loves me. Why? Because I am His child. His creation. And as a friend said last night, we are able to reflect God's light out to the world. (maybe I can get her to write out that description because it was truly beautiful!)

So yeah. Despite that fact that I am stubborn as a mule. And I throw fits like a 2-yr old in need of a nap... God loves me.

I get excited and run ahead and He gently calls me back. He reminds me about why balance is important. Why wanting to head in the right direction is good, but why I need to do it with Him. I will fail on my own. Every time. No matter how well I think I am doing, I am nothing apart from God. But with Him... Life is truly beautiful.

You Won't Relent

Ok so I had said I wasn't going to post every day, but I rediscovered this song last night and it is too wonderful to not share! (there is a portion of this song that is in Song of Songs 8:6-7. It was the coolest moment when i was at Mercy Ministries and I realized that).

He won't relent. Not ever. We are His children. His precious creation. He loves us so dearly. God truly is the lover of our souls. Blessings and peace to you today and always.

Jesus Culture: You Won't Relent

I give you air from my lungs!

When I was growing up, we sang all kinds of songs that I just loved. "I’ve been redeemed by the blood of the lamb." "You are my all in all." "Oh Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary." "Light the fire in my heart again." The thing was, I sang these song, but, for me, they meant nothing.

It might seem odd that a child, raised in a loving Christian home would be so baffled by God’s grace. But I was. I heard phrases like “fear God.” The stories of people being killed (in the Old and New Testaments) were the reasons I went to church. I didn’t want to get struck dead.

But inside I was bitter. And I was dying.

At first, I tried to get a few people’s attention, but I thought the answers they gave me were trite. Pray about it. Talk to God. Read your Bible. How foolish are you? That was what I always thought. I really and truly thought that my problems were too big for God. And even if they weren’t. He didn’t care. 

Not about me. Not about some random girl in Tennessee.

For years, the path got darker. For good or ill, I am incredibly stubborn. This time, it was not a good thing. I was determined for someone else to save me. I wasn’t going to work. I wanted to be swept off my feet and have my heart be instantly healed.

But I just kept looking in all the wrong places.

Then I went to Mercy Ministries. And every day, I begged to go home. I was getting better but it hurt! And not like cutting. This was reopening old wounds, cleaning them out, and trying to learn to let God heal them. But I fought it every step of the way.

They let me graduate on time, but I knew I wasn’t ready to leave. I didn’t really have my feet firmly under me. I came home and I made some mistakes. And I beat myself up for it. “That’s not how a Mercy graduate is supposed to act!” “You know better than that! What are you doing?!”

And when I wasn’t beating myself up, I was becoming more and more bitter towards the very people who had helped me.

I don’t know exactly when the turn around happened. I don’t know if it was when I switched medications or if it was just in spending more time with family and friends. I don’t know if it was from finally getting myself into the habit of doing a daily Bible study and listening to more Christian music.

What I do know, is that God has breathed life into me. And He is continuing to do so. I got to see my Mercy sisters (or some of them) about a week ago and it was amazing! I have gone to church several weeks in a row (which if you know me, you know how very rare this is).

I have preached things at others for years, but I didn’t do those things in my own life. I knew what was right, but I thought I was above all of that; that I could (and should!) do it on my own. The fact is, though, we were made to live in community. The hand cannot live separate from the body.

This doesn’t mean I can “save” anyone. Only God can do that, and the person has to be willing to let Him work on them. But oh! God is SO amazing! There was a time when I thought I wouldn’t live past 21. Yet here I am at 23, about to graduate from college! Life isn’t perfect by any stretch, but I have the utmost confidence that God can redeem even the worst of things!

It is never to late to turn to God. You are never too far gone. He didn’t just keep me breathing. He has made me fully alive!